Old 10-12-2009, 12:28 AM   #1
trying to figure this out

poetry...i try to post a poem every so often...i got a couple more in mind if i finish writing them ill prolly put them in...always respects to those who read and comment...on a personal reflection...it adds dimension


im trying to figure this out
i could be a pimp but i shouldnt be
im trying to figure this out
i should be a saint but i couldnt be
it just isnt me
which one could it be
im trying to figure this out
i met a lot of beautiful ladies beautiful girls
we all live in a dark beautiful world
several i told i was loving their curls
and even fewer i was there rocking their worlds
im trying to figure this out
i could be a dealer i shouldn't be
im trying to figure this out
i should own a business but i couldn't be
im trying to figure this out
i got the plan and the muscle
been caught in and out of the hustle
the brain to whisper sweet nothings to a bank
even i love yous
but i couldnt sing right so i never got the notes
and no matter how much muscle i couldnt get the votes
im trying to figure this out
i could be a lover but i shouldn't be
im trying to figure this out
i should be a fighter but i couldn't be
im trying to figure this out
the more good i do the more i ask should i do
is I me or is I you...
self less is a thing that is as selfish
says my brother as is the GOD i pray too
but you say you're a saint when i appraise you
no powers but i raised you...and i love to fight
i guess i figured it out...
I'm the pimping saint who loves to fight the hustling business man
who loves to write
and really and truly i cut this short...
it would get too dark and i love the light
arite
a couple more lines
the distraction isn't what is...visible
and this would make more sense if i read to you
about beatiful girls...
i know it sounds menial...unnecessary trivial
but look and try to understand the lines leading up
maybe read it like a church hymnal
then maybe the meaning all
would come to mind
and you realise i wasn't trying to blind...mislead
just wonder
if i was to excersise my greed...would i be me or you
would i get where i am...or would i be able to do
what im trying to do
or would the powers that are seeing me through be seeing me through
and all the people that love me selfishly would fight me too
if i turned out to
be something or other...
im trying to figure this out...and many more

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post #2  
10-14-2009, 02:39 PM
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so im reading this and im just loving the rhythm and for some reason I stopped at light…and then rhythm changes at least that how it seemed at first…but in fact it wasn’t just the rhythm that changed but the observation or the reflection so rhyme and rhythm became secondary to the true thought...u know how you might have a thought and your start writing/reading and mentally and emotionally you are in the same place during most of the poem and then the thought expands or maybe goes deeper than you originally intended and you are trying to end it but now you are in a different place than you were when you started it so it becomes more introspective, shaded.... that's how it felt…lol…or maybe it’s me just projecting…lol..maybe I was the one reading enjoying the rhymes and rhythm and the slight pause made me view the thought from a different place and the fact im shading my words might reflect that…lol…I keep saying im going to stop doing this to your poetry but I see its going to be a work in progress…so lol... the poem was beautifully written after reading it one word came to mind…struggle…which comes from the duality of life…good-bad, strength-weakness, fair-unfair etc...an altho that duality is necessary for existence of both sides, inherent also is the conflict and im going way off on this so ill just stop with saying great job..lol..


Last edited by BlueSerenity; 10-14-2009 at 02:42 PM.
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10-23-2009, 06:27 PM
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Interesting in the sense that its reality
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11-16-2009, 02:07 AM
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^^...that's the thing right...no matter what we think we know whe're always tryna figure it out



Originally Posted by BlueSerenity View Post
so im reading this and im just loving the rhythm and for some reason I stopped at light…and then rhythm changes at least that how it seemed at first…but in fact it wasn’t just the rhythm that changed but the observation or the reflection so rhyme and rhythm became secondary to the true thought...u know how you might have a thought and your start writing/reading and mentally and emotionally you are in the same place during most of the poem and then the thought expands or maybe goes deeper than you originally intended and you are trying to end it but now you are in a different place than you were when you started it so it becomes more introspective, shaded.... that's how it felt…lol…or maybe it’s me just projecting…lol..maybe I was the one reading enjoying the rhymes and rhythm and the slight pause made me view the thought from a different place and the fact im shading my words might reflect that…lol…I keep saying im going to stop doing this to your poetry but I see its going to be a work in progress…so lol... the poem was beautifully written after reading it one word came to mind…struggle…which comes from the duality of life…good-bad, strength-weakness, fair-unfair etc...an altho that duality is necessary for existence of both sides, inherent also is the conflict and im going way off on this so ill just stop with saying great job..lol..
lol...not askin you to stop...definitely enjoy the analysis...project away lol...brings the poetry into perspective...you see a lot and that's something that brings a lot of the the intangibles into a more personable view...wonder if im shading now j/k lol
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