[BlueSerenity]

i know there is a big controversy going on where some people felt that michael jordan used his acceptance speech at the hall of fame induction, as a way of settling score with a list of people who he felt slighted him over the years...the thread is not about the rightness or wrongness if this...
what truly surprised me though and what i couldnt relate to was the fact that he seemed to be carrying a grudge from something that happened in high school...again the thread is NOT about jordan's speech...im just trying to understand how does one carry a grudge for so long..how does it affect you..what makes you want to hold onto a grudge..is it a conscious thing that you decide you wont forget something and plan to get back at the person no matter how long it takes you...and how does that affect day to day living on the emotional side....

[Mz K]

Originally Posted by gifted chick

evryone likes to get into the boss' head .. and to know wat makes em tick

lol so you can reproduce lol i see The evil side of gifted

Originally Posted by MrCee

Because we like you

aww thank you

[gifted chick]

[Tisha701]

Silvia Broome: Everyone who loses somebody wants revenge on someone, on God if they can't find anyone else. But in Africa, in Matobo, the Ku believe that the only way to end grief is to save a life. If someone is murdered, a year of mourning ends with a ritual that we call the Drowning Man Trial. There's an all-night party beside a river. At dawn, the killer is put in a boat. He's taken out on the water and he's dropped. He's bound so that he can't swim. The family of the dead then has to make a choice. They can let him drown or they can swim out and save him. The Ku believe that if the family lets the killer drown, they'll have justice but spend the rest of their lives in mourning. But if they save him, if they admit that life isn't always just... that very act can take away their sorrow.

Silvia Broome: Vengeance is a lazy form of grief.

Quotes from The Interpreter.

[KreyoL LaDii]

Personally it depends on the situation. Because i had a problem with my siblings and i didnt talk to them for over a yr or so...It wasnt a grudge because i wanted to talk to them but i dont like rejection and I didnt want to 'bow' down to them and talk to them and they play me like they did to begin with..

I had a bf that cheated on me...I forgave him but i neva forgot it....

but i am not the type that is about revenge...If i cant get at u the moment u throw fire my way, then i wont spend my life or time thinking on conspiring a plan to **** u ova for what u did to me...

[BlueSerenity]

so you are saying in the situation with your siblings you wanted to talk to them but it was your pride,"not wanting to bow down to them" is what kept you holding on to it...
if thats the case i think i kind of understand, but it still seems to me as something that would hold someone back from having peace of mind, which for me is always my primary goal...i dont know how it works for others but for me in these type of cases where i realize pride is the thing that holding me back and not the actual incident then i make the effort to reach out to the person...not necessary become "best friends" or anything like that but reaching out with just common courtesy conversation, honestly i dont see it as taking anything off of me, or "bowing down"...really it feels very liberating, because im letting go of any negative emotions connected to this person so i now can become indifferent to them..i dont like nor dislike them..when they are around i can be courteous like i would with anyone even strangers...when they not around they wouldnt cross my mind...when it comes to fam there was only one time when i tried to let my pride hold me back for a short time and i completely regret it.. not because of anything that came of it, but because it now seems like wasted time...
as far as siblings i only have one and it would be very difficult for me not to talk to her....

[Mz K]

Originally Posted by BlueSerenity

so you are saying in the situation with your siblings you wanted to talk to them but it was your pride,"not wanting to bow down to them" is what kept you holding on to it...
if thats the case i think i kind of understand, but it still seems to me as something that would hold someone back from having peace of mind, which for me is always my primary goal...i dont know how it works for others but for me in these type of cases where i realize pride is the thing that holding me back and not the actual incident then i make the effort to reach out to the person...not necessary become "best friends" or anything like that but reaching out with just common courtesy conversation, honestly i dont see it as taking anything off of me, or "bowing down"...really it feels very liberating, because im letting go of any negative emotions connected to this person so i now can become indifferent to them..i dont like nor dislike them..when they are around i can be courteous like i would with anyone even strangers...when they not around they wouldnt cross my mind...when it comes to fam there was only one time when i tried to let my pride hold me back for a short time and i completely regret it.. not because of anything that came of it, but because it now seems like wasted time...
as far as siblings i only have one and it would be very difficult for me not to talk to her....

No i'm saying that i would have the grudge for what THEY have done but would not reach out because some people have a foul mouth if they say the wrong thing it will only escalate and i don't want to put myself in that kind of situation for it to get worst....

and you don't think about the grudge 24/7 either only certain thing you see would re mind you of it,or if you see that person for example with time you get to put it in the back of your mind til something triggers it


Blue lol you should become a psychiatrist or something lol you love to analyze but don't try to understand me u'll go crazy first

[BlueSerenity]

Originally Posted by Mz K

No i'm saying that i would have the grudge for what THEY have done but would not reach out because some people have a foul mouth if they say the wrong thing it will only escalate and i don't want to put myself in that kind of situation for it to get worst....

and you don't think about the grudge 24/7 either only certain thing you see would re mind you of it,or if you see that person for example with time you get to put it in the back of your mind til something triggers it


Blue lol you should become a psychiatrist or something lol you love to analyze but don't try to understand me u'll go crazy first

...not crazy..confused at times but many times i think i get it...i see where you are coming from... even if it may not be a choice that i might make...i still see where you are coming from with it.. u know...i think we all have the same basic emotions, its the situations/experiences that cause each of us to be a little more dependent or give more time or control to specific emotions so at times they seem larger than others..but we all at our core are capable of experiencing any of those emotions it all depends on the situation in which we find ourselves....which is why judging is a tricky thing because its hard to say for sure when u havent walked in someone's shoes u know...we all give opinions based on our "realities", our world thru our own eyes...and it doesnt make someone else's reality any less real or have less merit..its just different...and i like to understand things.. to know the WHY behind them...which to me is the first step to changing things we dont like or build on the things we do like....i dont know its just one of those things I cant seem to properly be able to explain...lol but my opinion is that you have a good heart msk so when that time comes for the big decision...that good heart will be the one in control...call me naive lol...but its hard for me to see good in ppl and then just ignore its power...

[Mz K]

Well Thank you pastor blue

[BlueSerenity]

Originally Posted by Mz K

Well Thank you pastor blue

now that one really made me LOL...since im suspicious of those......let me stop...everytime i say things like that my dad's blood pressure rises....

[MrCee]

I always think of Dr. Blue's analysis as being therapeutic....see it got Mz K to open up & she feel better...right?


What was that Blue.....The bill is what????

[Mr. Marcus ™]

Originally Posted by KreyoL LaDii

Personally it depends on the situation. Because i had a problem with my siblings and i didnt talk to them for over a yr or so...It wasnt a grudge because i wanted to talk to them but i dont like rejection and I didnt want to 'bow' down to them and talk to them and they play me like they did to begin with..

I had a bf that cheated on me...I forgave him but i neva forgot it....

but i am not the type that is about revenge...If i cant get at u the moment u throw fire my way, then i wont spend my life or time thinking on conspiring a plan to **** u ova for what u did to me...

sensibility

[Mr. Marcus ™]

Originally Posted by Tisha701

Silvia Broome: Everyone who loses somebody wants revenge on someone, on God if they can't find anyone else. But in Africa, in Matobo, the Ku believe that the only way to end grief is to save a life. If someone is murdered, a year of mourning ends with a ritual that we call the Drowning Man Trial. There's an all-night party beside a river. At dawn, the killer is put in a boat. He's taken out on the water and he's dropped. He's bound so that he can't swim. The family of the dead then has to make a choice. They can let him drown or they can swim out and save him. The Ku believe that if the family lets the killer drown, they'll have justice but spend the rest of their lives in mourning. But if they save him, if they admit that life isn't always just... that very act can take away their sorrow.

Silvia Broome: Vengeance is a lazy form of grief.

Quotes from The Interpreter.

What if they swim out in an attempt to save that individuals life, but reach him a few seconds too late ... would the result be a mixture of both outcomes ?

[Mz K]

Originally Posted by BlueSerenity

now that one really made me LOL...since im suspicious of those......let me stop...everytime i say things like that my dad's blood pressure rises....

LOL

Originally Posted by MrCee

I always think of Dr. Blue's analysis as being therapeutic....see it got Mz K to open up & she feel better...right?




What was that Blue.....The bill is what????

Uhm no? I'm just strange don't bother trying to figure me out

[silence]

Originally Posted by Mr. Marcus ™

What if they swim out in an attempt to save that individuals life, but reach him a few seconds too late ... would the result be a mixture of both outcomes ?

looked real deep into that one eh?...im pretty sure its a concept of justice not one of morallity...which is what grudges is about right? -justice

a sense that our form of judgement on a situatin we deemed wrong was not meeted out or acknowledged so we wait until we can "settle the score"...i only have one...which is strange because every wrong except that one is let go of (as much as a human being can let go a wrong - an trust me no human being can...the idea that most of us have is understanding that wrong and finding a justification that makes it moot...and sometimes that justification is flimsy leaVing that wrong unquenched anywayz) so that one that is not let go of is one that lingers...will it be left alone...maybe....hopefully over time...as ive yet to find a justification strong enough to hold it....but essentially a grudge is something that will poision you more than the other person...keep you stuck and the acting up on that grudge is your testament to moving forward...wich is why if i'm angry now like some alrelady said...and the moment passes so does the feeling of dissatisfaction that came with it....hmmm...yeh sumpn like dat still...


oh an to add - i've heard a lot of people throughout time..since i was small...that say they don't carry grudges but actions would prove otherwise...to them it's not a grudge and they'd swear up and down that it isn't but you on the outside can't find a rational reason for their actions...so that's one tidbit to add in...what exactly constitutes a grudge and what kind of behaviour is the representation of the absolution of one...which i think if there was a moralistic point in that sylvia broome piece it would be that...

[BlueSerenity]

Originally Posted by Tisha701

Silvia Broome: Everyone who loses somebody wants revenge on someone, on God if they can't find anyone else. But in Africa, in Matobo, the Ku believe that the only way to end grief is to save a life. If someone is murdered, a year of mourning ends with a ritual that we call the Drowning Man Trial. There's an all-night party beside a river. At dawn, the killer is put in a boat. He's taken out on the water and he's dropped. He's bound so that he can't swim. The family of the dead then has to make a choice. They can let him drown or they can swim out and save him. The Ku believe that if the family lets the killer drown, they'll have justice but spend the rest of their lives in mourning. But if they save him, if they admit that life isn't always just... that very act can take away their sorrow.

Silvia Broome: Vengeance is a lazy form of grief.

Quotes from The Interpreter.

so i read this once, came back read it again and it made me smile because the insight of some of the old traditions cannot be denied even when viewed through “modern eyes”…the Ku people seem to have a clear understanding that hurt is the mother of anger and anger is the mother of revenge…they also know that anger is a natural part of grief, a stage of the grieving process…they seem to give each other a year to get through the process and reach the last stage which is acceptance…revenge, anger, hurt can severely cloud one’s judgment and although people may give advice as to how one should or shouldn’t handle hurt, at the end of the day it is your choice whether to live with it for the rest of your life or accept it for what it is and let it go…when you choose to save the man from drowning it is not just his life you are saving but also your own…so the justice comes not from letting the man drown…it comes from the Choice you had to let him drown…and that choice re-instates a sense of power and control that we felt we lost to the person who hurt us….and looking back at a couple of my own posts i think i described the feeling of letting go of my anger or hurt or negative energy as liberating but looking at this i can add that its liberating because it gives me back control of my emotions, which gives me balance and in turn gives me peace...good post tisha....