Do You Complain Too Much? The Good, Bad and Ugly Side of Complaining

BlueSerenity · BlueSerenity

Not all complaining is bad, however, there is the good, bad and ugly side of complaining.

The good side of complaining is referred to as instrumental complaining. An instrumental complaint is goal oriented. We voice our complaint about a problem in an attempt to bring about a solution. If you complain to a restaurant manager about terrible food or lousy service or gripe to your spouse about the mess the house is in, you are trying to bring about change through instrumental complaining. The goal of your complaint is to improve the food or service quality at the restaurant or to get your spouse to help you clean the house. Instrumental complaining can be a good thing and bring about change and reach the desired goal when expressed clearly and calmly to the right individual.

Expressive complaining can go either way, it can be good or bad. Expressive complaining is when one just needs to get something off the chest. You need to vent your complaint to a sympathetic ear, have your complaint validated and then you feel better. That's the good side of expressive complaining, it allows us to vent a frustration and connect with some like minded person.

The bad side of expressive complaining occurs when a person continues to complain and just won't let the problem go. They're not looking for a solution, they're not satisfied just to get something off their chest, they want give the impression that they are important and valued to their audience. Low self-esteem is the root of this person's expressive complaining, and we all know someone like this. Someone who is constantly complaining about having so much to do, of being so busy, complaining of not having enough time, etc.

The ugly side of complaining is the chronic complainer. A chronic complainer loves to talk but will rarely listen. Chronic complainers will take as much of your time as you will give them and will reject any problem solving advice that you may offer. Chronic complainers are stuck in 'victim mode' and unbeknownst to them, they irritate and alienate everyone around them. We avoid chronic complainers because listening to them is depressing to us and chronic complainers have no goal aside from getting you cornered as their captive audience.

Complaining can be good, bad or ugly, depending upon the type of complaints we are making.

Tai · Tai

Nice food for thought

BlueSerenity	post #1 10-29-2009, 11:59 AM
Lyrical Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Dhaz Posts: 18,953 Dhaz Dollarz: 1,620,853,311.39 Gifts: 64	Do You Complain Too Much? The Good, Bad and Ugly Side of Complaining Not all complaining is bad, however, there is the good, bad and ugly side of complaining. The good side of complaining is referred to as instrumental complaining. An instrumental complaint is goal oriented. We voice our complaint about a problem in an attempt to bring about a solution. If you complain to a restaurant manager about terrible food or lousy service or gripe to your spouse about the mess the house is in, you are trying to bring about change through instrumental complaining. The goal of your complaint is to improve the food or service quality at the restaurant or to get your spouse to help you clean the house. Instrumental complaining can be a good thing and bring about change and reach the desired goal when expressed clearly and calmly to the right individual. Expressive complaining can go either way, it can be good or bad. Expressive complaining is when one just needs to get something off the chest. You need to vent your complaint to a sympathetic ear, have your complaint validated and then you feel better. That's the good side of expressive complaining, it allows us to vent a frustration and connect with some like minded person. The bad side of expressive complaining occurs when a person continues to complain and just won't let the problem go. They're not looking for a solution, they're not satisfied just to get something off their chest, they want give the impression that they are important and valued to their audience. Low self-esteem is the root of this person's expressive complaining, and we all know someone like this. Someone who is constantly complaining about having so much to do, of being so busy, complaining of not having enough time, etc. The ugly side of complaining is the chronic complainer. A chronic complainer loves to talk but will rarely listen. Chronic complainers will take as much of your time as you will give them and will reject any problem solving advice that you may offer. Chronic complainers are stuck in 'victim mode' and unbeknownst to them, they irritate and alienate everyone around them. We avoid chronic complainers because listening to them is depressing to us and chronic complainers have no goal aside from getting you cornered as their captive audience. Complaining can be good, bad or ugly, depending upon the type of complaints we are making.

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Tai	post #2 10-30-2009, 10:51 PM
Dhaz Immigrant Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: TDOT Posts: 15 Dhaz Dollarz: 500.00	Nice food for thought